K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
