I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Randomize
