It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together