Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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