You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
