I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
