You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize