he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
