I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
