even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
