Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
