At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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