Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i think i have two assholes
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
