I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
