I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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