I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
