She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
