He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
