I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
