The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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