I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
