Swine flu. Run for my life!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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