Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
