Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
