the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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