Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
