Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize