hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
