We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
