I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
