On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
