He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
