Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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