Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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