There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
