Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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