i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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