what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
