I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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