That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I accidentally burped into my bong.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
