i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
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Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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