that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
