i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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