On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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