If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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