I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
