i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
