If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
