i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
