i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
