Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
