And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
