Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
