By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
