just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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