someone threw a dead crab at me
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
should my penis look like a turkey
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
