exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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