You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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