he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
