He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
