I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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