"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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