If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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