So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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