Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
