dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
