i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
