WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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