so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
