now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
