I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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