What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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