He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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