11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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