...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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