I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
